Mr. President

amazing.

Dope.City

Artist/Designer: David Choe
Product Line: Upper Playground

Dear SNL,

You should probably thank our controversial presidential candidates and one poorly chosen alaskan running mate for pretty much making you funny again.

Tina Fey doesn't hurt.

sincerly,
basically everyone with a sense of humor

There Are No Black People In Alaska

This video is hilarious, and 'Diddy' or should i say, Ciroc Obama, props for trying to be political and interested in the campaign and all..... apparently he posted this before all the shit about miss Palin's pregnant daughter and other various scandals were revealed. But uh, yeeeah. Don't quit your day job.

ps. the spinning is wildly unnecessary. pause and imagine diddy in his front yard holding a camera and spinning around yelling 'diddy obama blog'. his neighbors must love him

"Dreams of Flying"

www.janvonholleben.com

Dreamboat

(editors note: actual dreamboat was greasier and skinnier and if you should ever meet this man don't boo at him I dont know who he is)

I met the man of my dreams the other night. The dreamiest of the dreamboats. This guy was tall, handsome, shaggy brown hair, good style, and the best part...an IQ of...eeeeh i'd give him a 2. Also you should know so you can read the dialogue out loud....he has an LA voice. You know the one, like the city decided instead of cultivating an LA "accent" that everyone would just pronounce their words to sound somewhere between those of a valley girl and a surfer. You know exactly what i'm talking about. (no offense friends from LA. But whatever you dont like my accent either)

My friend "Mun" (you know, short for money) from college was in town for a night, so after him and the boys went to see Dark Knight in IMAX we all met up at a local bar which so kindly provides 1$ drafts on Mondays, my kind of place. Now if you can imagine, a bar with 1$ drafts does not require the dress code of a lounge with say, 12$ drafts, and yet there is always those two girls... you know the ones. With the high heels and fancy tanks holding little bedazzeled clutchs and looking wildly out of place. These such girls came and asked me if they could 'rest their beers' on the other side of our table. Our table was long and I'm not completely without a heart so I said something along the lines of "yeah. go for it". So opened the wormhole or whatever you open that brings shiteous people to your table.

Enter dreamboat.

Dreamboat and his two awkward friends decide these chicks are their kind of women. Excessive pathetic flirting ensues. The guys decide that our table is now their table and proceed to spread out so it is literally impossible to not listen to them speaking. I wish i could draw you a diagram to show how impossible it was for us to ignore. It was like watching that Blind Date show without the bubbles telling you what an idiot the guy is. We didnt even need the bubbles. We could tell he was a winner from the start.

Awkward friend to girl: Do you want a beer?
Dreamboat: I got it. ::runs fingers through greasy hair:: This ones on daaaadddy.

Yeah. Come to find out the guys 28. Cool dude. Can i be like you? I guess not since he spotted my phone and goes
"oh hey is that the new 3g?"
"Nah its the old one"
"wow. catch up"

The Big Finale. Dun dun dun.
He turns to his two little sidekick friends who have barely spoken a word besides the ones used to back up their main meng and says

"Guys how much fun do I have when I come to New York?"
"Yeah totally, so much fun." the sidekicks were all about sucking up to mr. incredible
Then he turns to the girls and in his best swooner voice says
"You guys just made me like want to move here. Cause I met you."

this was followed by some talk about "you're in NY. Like. Making money. Living and making money." but i thought 'cause i met you' was too classic on its own.

Inevitably I puked in my mouth. The girls must have too because they jetted to the other side of the bar to harass some investment bankers.


BUT it was all a happy ending. The guy walked by me outside and said I looked 'very LA'.

THANK GOD. I'M IN!

THE DARK KNIGHT

...was INSANE. i won't spoil anything here. the only thing that sucks is that we went to see it pretty late on a sunday night, so now nobody is up to talk about it with me. plus it was the first weekend so not everyone's seen it.

desperately, i tried to ask SmarterChild.

kimL422 (2:49:07 AM): have you seen the dark knight
SmarterChild (2:49:08 AM): Hey. I have to ask you one question before we continue. How old are you?

1 Over 17
2 13-17
3 Under 13

kimL422 (2:49:11 AM): 1
SmarterChild (2:49:12 AM): Cool! Now we can chat.

Hey! Someone wrote a comic about me!
kimL422 (2:49:18 AM): have you seen the dark knight
SmarterChild (2:49:18 AM): I don't know how to answer that.
kimL422 (2:49:23 AM): the dark knight
SmarterChild (2:49:23 AM): Sleep well.

T-Shirt Flipbook

They used 150 t-shirts to do this, then ironed on 150 animation stills (surprising considering I assumed that like everything else these days it was computer animated)

....all done by....drumroll...

A SUB SHOP.

I shit you not. If i lived in the midwest I would go to erbert and gerbert's just because of this valient effort. Enjoy.
for a 'making of' video' go to www.humanflipbook.com


also if you like that and haven't seen this yet, go watch the music video for 'DANCE' by Justice. It rocks socks.
Actually, I'll link you cause I'm awesome.

Animated Wall Vandalism

Cause i'm really into stop animation lately and this is just weird/crazy/awesome/creepy/interesting. Italian artist does a stop animation graffiti piece down the streets of Buenos Aires. It's 7 minutes long so be warned but it kind of sucks you in. Note how much ground he covers... beware of weird shape shifting creatures.

shiiiiiiet. blublu.org


MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU from blu on Vimeo.

If the piece don't FIT...don't force it.

I love Boston! All parts...the hood, the classy and the trashy. All States are broken up into those three categories...Well I don't think Vermont has a hood...but you know what I mean.
Bostonian Accents love them...I have a hard time saying my fear "I'm afraid of the Daahk" but what can you do? In all honesty, I think us Bostonians should start pronouncing our "S's" like "Z's" and be extremely annoying. We would be the city of champs who has never heard of the two words "articulation" and "diction".

Soooo here' s a little Bostonian Story...
I was in the hood part of Dorchester (where the Duck Tours don't go) at a hair salon getting a roller set. Place didn't take credit card, people were singing and dancing to "Bust it Baby" between waxing girls' eyebrows, and above all it took me soo long to get my hair dry because I kept sweating since they didn't have AC.

I was sitting in my stylist chair that was all duct taped up and this enchanting alcholic/crack head hustler comes into the salon. He goes "excuse me ladies...does anybody want to buy any hats?" This guy was selling bootleg "B" hats with small Bs all over them...in a variety of colors. How do I know they were a bootleg you ask? well for two reasons.
1. Lids don't sell hats like that.
and
2. The main "B" had a lil too much swagger. It was damn near cursive!

Hair Stylist 1: What kind of hats are they?
Hustler 1: You know just regular hats. They're fitted *turns hat around* see?
Hair Stylist 2: How much are they?
Hustler 1: Five dollas
Hair Stylist 2: I'll take 4 for $20
Hustler 1: Yea I can do that
Hair Stylist 1: Aight let me get two of them
Hustler 1: Aight thank you miss
Client 1: I thought you said these were fitted hats...because this shit is not fitting.
*Laughter from the entire salon*
(Hustler 2 -also looking crackheadish... walks in with a big black bag)
Hair Stylist 1: Oh boy now what is he selling?!
Hair Stylist 3: He ain't selling shit that's his supervisor!
*Laughter from the entire salon*
Hustler 1: Where's my other hat!?!?
Hair Stylist 2: What you talkin about? I just bought 4 and she bought 2!
Hustler 1: No NO I had 8 hats!
*He stumbles on over my way*
Hair Stylist 1: Okay man no falling on our clients!
Hustler 1: But where's my other hat at?! I had 8!
Client 1: You said I could try it on? You knew I was going to buy it.
Hustler 1: oh okay that will be 10 dollas
Client 1: uh huh you were selling these shits for 5!
Hustler 1: Yea, I can do that.

haha you have to take the good with the bad.

Peace, Love, and hippiness

Jam



*~G-Chat~*
me: eww this dude totally creeped on me through a glass door
lindsay: hahah watt
me: idk it's brockton anything happens down here
lindsay: apparently so
im goin the gym but...my nanner just brought over chicken parm
sooo i just wolfed that down
and now i cant move

hate on boston? ...i understand.

don't worry, this isn't another "fuck you for hating boston 'cause our sports are better than your sports!" entry. although i believe that most of the outside hatred towards the bean stems from our superior stance in sports right now, there is another, quite dominant, reason: the people are idiots.

i am from boston, but i am very different from your typical bostonian, and for this reason, i can understand why others might look in and be disgusted. for one, i hate the boston accent. i think it sounds trashy and stupid, making even the smartest harvard (townie) student sound like he's lived his whole life in the powderhouse pub in somerville. i just don't like it. what's so hard about pronouncing your R's? luckily, i escaped this phenomenon by growing up speaking vietnamese. sure, i was THAT kid in kindergarten whom the teachers thought would never make friends. but i grew up being smarter than everyone and knowing how to speak correct english. who's laughing now mrs. nally?

aside from the accent, the majority of bostonians look the same. there is some sort of uniform, and it's not pretty. i would elaborate, but the thought is making me twitch.

finally, many people from boston are just plain weird. i understand there are weird people everywhere, but i think the weird boston people are the weirdest of the weird. luckily, i hang out w jamila, who seems to attract the weirdos all the time. or maybe it's me.

example:

after the Celtics parade, the closest T stop was closed, so we sat our tired asses down (after unsuccessfully chasing the duck boats) on some library steps. a black man with dreadlocks and a video camera approaches us. said man is wearing a green t-shirt with the words "GO CELTICS" and "www.myspace.com/bmaafrica" written in sharpie. he then proceeds to push the camera into our faces and asks us to say something. jamila is in no mood, and is clearly mean to this man. he realizes he won't get anything out of her so he tries to butter me up by saying "she's not nice. you're nice. say something to the camera. you're nice" and i respond with "what the hell is this for, youtube??"

he then explains that his name is Africa. i don't believe him. so he whips out a DVD that he has previously made, and lo and behold, the credits on the back list him as "Africa."

dialogue with Africa goes something like this:

Africa: come on! say something to the camera!
me: no.
Africa: okay, let's go. both of you. (grabs my arm) let's go! we go smoke weed. let's go. come on.
me: no... it's ok
Africa: come on! get on my back! (signals for me to get on his back so he can give me a sweet African style piggyback ride)
me: no really, it's ok. we smoked earlier.

Africa then takes out his DVD and takes out a blunt. smokes blunt.

Africa: give me your number.
me: NO!

we ask him what he is filming for anyway.

he responds "okay, well i filmed the red sox parade. now i am filming the celtics parade. i am going to wait until the patriots win the superbowl and then film that parade. and then i am going to wait for someone to win again and sell the documentary."

i told him i hope he has another job, and he says that he has a lot.












don't get me wrong. i love boston SPORTS. and the city is cool. but sometimes the people are RETAHDEDDDD. yea i said it.

Always Show Composer

After spending ungodly amounts of time talking about how annoying Facebook applications (that arent bumper stickers) are this weekend, I found it humorous that I came across this on a friends page.

Creative Inspirations for Your Everday Life

Some Banksy for you. Graffiti artist from London, is the shit, inspires creativity in my artist blocked mind.










there is always hope.

champions.

the problem with going mainstream

one week ago, lil wayne's "tha carter III" FINALLY went on sale. being an avid weezy fan, i have waited through countless release date changes, track changes, album cover changes, title changes, leaks, bootleg mix tapes put out by weezy himself... etc. etc. it's been hard on my poor little soul, but finally, the day arrived. everyone's been waiting on mariah, madonna or usher to have the huge 1st week album sales of the year, but nobody was keeping their eye on my weezy f baby. bad move considering he sold over 400k on the first DAY, and is projected to outsell kanye's album from last year (even w all that kanye v. fitty "i will never make music again" cent).

i am very happy for dwayne michael carter, jr. however, i can't help but feel that bitterness toward his new "fans" who didn't know who he was until "stuntin' like my daddy" or some crap like that. and obviously when you are someone's fan, you want them to do as well as they can, but i can't help it.

which is great, but brings me to a comment that somebody made from a little while ago. i forget who it was but i'm sure it will come back to me. anyway, this person said that lil wayne is not a real rapper because he's not a real thug or some crap. just because he is successful now doesn't mean that it has always been that way. he wasn't some contestant on "America's Next Best Gangsta Rapper" from Connecticut who won a competition and had everything handed to him. just because you hear someone's songs more catered to the mainstream crowd (hey, that's how you grow in the biz right) doesn't mean that you know everything about him, so don't talk if you don't know!






esp if it's about my lil wayne.

Heh

GAME 1

ladies and gentleman, tonight the Boston Celtics start their first NBA finals series since i was 2 years old andddd once again, we play the Lakers. u cant make this shit up! sports wouldnt be as fun w/o rivalries, and even tho the Celtics/Lakers finals have nothing to do w new york nor the Pats...somehow it does

Nubes2424 (12:22:32 AM): not cause I don't like the Celts cause i'd be happy to see KG get one, but the Lakers are lookin real nasty
kimL422 (12:23:00 AM): oh really cuz i remember u saying fuck the celtics
kimL422 (12:23:02 AM): but thats okay
kimL422 (12:23:03 AM): we'll see!
Nubes2424 (12:23:22 AM): ... that's what I just basically said
Nubes2424 (12:23:29 AM): haha
Nubes2424 (12:23:55 AM): only reason I'd be happy if they won would be cause of KG...
Nubes2424 (12:24:01 AM): but fuck the Celtics
kimL422 (12:24:28 AM): id be mad too if my team were the knicks
Nubes2424 (12:27:12 AM): just like ur Pats... Celts are gonna dissapoint
kimL422 (12:27:19 AM): omg
Nubes2424 (12:27:22 AM): hahaha
Nubes2424 (12:27:25 AM): low blow my bad
kimL422 (12:27:32 AM): ..
Nubes2424 (12:27:54 AM): wat's up though

later

kimL422 (12:49:11 AM): i hope u like my away message
kimL422 (12:49:15 AM): Nubes2424: I'm from NY and I fucking love the Celtics!!!!! GO RONDO #9!
Nubes2424 (12:49:26 AM): that's gay








it's always personal

IM of the day/week/month

me: i dont kno if u heard but i have zero body fat
Sent at 4:43 PM on Thursday
Samantha: i have negative body fat

Yes I Love Technology

So I have this little thing called Netflix, don't know if you've heard of it. I tend to overly trust Netflix's judgment and let them send me whatever recommended movies they so choose (not exactly how it goes but hey). So yesterday I received 'Like Water For Chocolate', a movie subtitled in English which so far as I can tell seems to be what that Sara Michelle Gellar movie "Simply Irresistible" was going for, except they failed miserably (the fact that I had to google, 'Sara Michelle Gellar' and 'cook' to find the title says a lot).

HOWEVER

It's from 1992 but might as well be from the 70's as far as I'm concerned, which made me realize.
Technology (in this specific instance, HD) has spoiled us.

Excuse me, but isn't it my god-given right as an american to be able to count the pores on that main character chicks face when they do that closeup crying scene? Shouldn't I be able to see the blades of grass swaying in the wind? And the zit they failed to cover sufficiently on the main dude who's supposed to be such a hunk? (not such a hunk, pffff a zit). You can't even watch a sporting event now without HD. Football on a normal tv?!? Fah-getta-bout-it. Guys make a big show of complaining about it like without an HD box you can't read the numbers on the jersey's or something. 'Fuckin cable! Now I can't even tell which team is which! This game is RUINED!' damn you HD, damn you.

Then there's music...

When I was home last weekend, I had to drive to Plymouth and thought I had no ipod converter for the car...it was devastating. The thought of driving 45 minutes listening to the radio was too much for me.

I almost forget about ONLY having the radio for oh, all of high school. That or CD's that you would burn before running out of your house for some trip because you always waited till the last minute to do it and it took like 20 minutes. And you always had to carry around a huge ass walkman and those black headphones and like 15 cd's in your bag. Now we can easily fit all8.5 billion of our songs into one little portable device. Being reduced to a mere 15 song lineup is unimaginable. How will I impress you with the breadth of my musical tastes? What if the mood suddenly changes from 'mellow' to 'party time!' and i dont have the appropriately themed playlist at hand? WHAT THEN? Phew. My ipod.

OR even BEFORE that when all we had was tapes. And you would have to sit there listening to the radio, waiting for your song to come on so you could record it. Or as Kim remembers, not being able to google lyrics and having to keep pressing stop and rewind to write them down.

Walking around a card shop in the village the other day I see address books and laugh. Seriously who needs an address book these days? You forget, i've entrusted my entire life to 4.8 ounces of steel and computer chips.

Not only is my entire life in my cell phone but the fact that we HAVE cell phones and internet is amazing. No more mom picking up the housephone and knocking you offline, when there was only 10 seconds left of the song you were downloading from napster. You know, the one that took 2 hours.

And technology has also made us think of privacy differently, cause, oh I don't know, we don't have any. Back in the day having a loud and lengthy conversation on a TRAIN would have been a no no. Now I have to spend 4 hours trying to use my music to drown out some story about Ally the boyfriend stealing tramp being broadcasting in the world's most annoying voice from the girl sitting next to me.

Not to mention myspace and facebook. I tried to see how long I could stay off of facebook and lasted like 3 days. What the hell would we do without digital pictures strewn about the internet, without total strangers being able to see what we look like, without creepy ass Facebook chat letting us see who else is being creepy at that very same moment?

Back in the AOL days it took 3 hours to load ONE picture never mind the 586 that were tagged last weekend. Its actually gotten so big that its being policed by companies, so something that was private (in the sense that only other hard partying college kids like yourself could see it) is now available to your 13 year old sister and your grandfather and also your future or not so future ("Is that a joint in your hand?") boss.

I figure its bad karma for us to give our parents crap about not being able to text message or IM because our time is coming. Like old folks who refuse to use cell phones and want to do it 'the old fashioned way' we will be arguing with our future children about how back in the day people parallel parked their OWN cars instead of letting the cars do it for them.

"Oh mom. You just dont understand technology."

it's who you know

working hard is good, but knowing people is better. being born into the right family is best. example: would W really be prez if he weren't born into the white house? probs not.

luckily for me, i was born into a family where i have a cousin who happened to marry a guy who is a doctor. the best part is that i know his screenname. translation: drugs.

K: yo i need some meds i think
H: sure
H: do you want me to call you in a rx

JEALOUS??!

Are You Doughy, White and Sad?

not suitable for republicans.

Stuff White People Like #99: GRAMMAR

i've always said that i am ethnically ambiguous. i am vietnamese, but am i REALLY?? no. i am actually part vietnamese, part black, part jewish, part white, part spanish, part hawaiian. the list goes on.

see how i'm white here.

toodles

an open letter

dear hillary clinton,

drop the f out. stop trying to kill the party. thanks.

best,
kim














p.s. i know this is super lame after a long hiatus. sue me. i'll be back soon 'nuff.

Some Things I learned Recently

Kim seems to be seeking revenge for my blogging hiatus. I will hold down the fort until she feels she can return. So. Here's some other things I've learned here.


1. Amsterdam is not that fun with your parents.

2. There are a lot of stairs in Paris.

3. There's also a lot of bread. Of the 'Really Fucking Good' variety.

4. Americans and french should never date. Bad chemical reactions may occur.

5. They all lied. 'French' fries in france BLOW.

6. Never trust Momma Greene to know anything about technology.

7. Make sure you have a flashlight before you plug anything in in Europe.

8. I have seen a good amount of people actually wearing berets here. Laughter ensues. Beret wearing french people don't tend to love me.





Finally,

I met Omec from Legends of the Hidden Temple the other day..........





He said whats up.









A la prochaine...

Artsy Fartsy

Went to the Louvre the other day, holy massive packed amazing awe striking building.

I don't know if you know anything about the museum but basically when the Orsay train station was made into a museum they moved all works completed after 1850 from the Louvre to the new Musee d'Orsay. SO, everything in the louvre is hella old. They have decided however to try and incorporate contemporary works into the exhibits. They basically pick more modern artists, let them choose any wing in the museum they want and give them carte blanche to 'stimulate a fresh approach' to the old art.

When I was there the contemporary artist was Jan Fabre, and his works were dispersed throughout the 16th century paintings from France and N.Europe. Honestly I dont get how a coffin made out of beetles (seriously, green gnarly beetles) or a wall of dead birds and skulls has to do with religious paintings but his work was interesting to say the least.

There was one piece I loved though, it's a little figure, all musculature with a shovel and a pick digging into a brain. It's called

"L'Artiste Explore Le Monde"
aka: The artist exploring the world.







excuse the iphone blur, but i love the concept. more from my journey at a later date... till then

Bonjour Kids

Greetings from across the ocean. It's about 7am your time so I doubt any of you are up yet but hey. I am. Going to the Louvre in a few to check it out and meet up with Hannah who also happens to be in the city this week, but I wanted to give a quick update. (Who's slacking now kiem?!?!)

First off Paris is amazing. Besides the language barrier (which could be much worse considering I speak a bit of french and they speak a bit of english) I am loving every minute. I've been exploring and have probably walked about 50 miles in the last 5 days but made up for it in wine, beer, pastries and other bomb-ass foods. Everything is insanely beautiful, and coming from new york its strange because the buildings are all so short. Not small, just short. Nothing towers above you and most of the city is flat so looking from a high point like Sacre Coeur or the top of a monument you can see everything and the roofs of the buildings are so even it looks like you could jump from rooftop to rooftop all the way across Paris. At the same time the buildings are so ornate and generally HUGE that everywhere you go you want to stop and examine everything....oooor that could just be me being a dork. Most likely its the second one.

Backing up a bit, interesting things that I have noticed/that have happened since i've been here.

First off I flew here from New York with what must have been a field trip or study abroad of some sort because oh joy, I was sitting amongst about 75 french teenagers in I <3 NY shirts carrying abercrombie bags and wearing Yankees hats. (Fucking yanks following me everywhere). Quite possibly the most annoying way to travel, with all these kids screaming french over me for 6 hours. Buuuuut the flight was quick, thank the lord.

Also, I don't know who told the French that abercrombie was cool. But its EVERYWHERE. They must thing it's hot shit in america because I have seen more people over here (most of them over the age of 20) wearing it then I do at home. I am still working on figuring out how to say 'did you know only 14 year olds in the US wear that shit?' in french.

Also even though they don't watch baseball or any other american sports there are yanks hats EVERYWHERE. French people love new york. i dont get it, I really dont. Its one of their biggest faults. (go sox.)

Another fun fact, yeeeeeah voltage converters.... they lie. My first day in the apartment alone I plugged in my blowdryer, JUST PLUGGED IT IN, didnt even turn the fricken thing on and all the sudden something exploded. I look down and my hands, the socket and my blowdryer are completely black. A minute of shock later and I realize I blew a fuse in the bedroom. 5 minutes later and I realize there was no power in the entire apartment. 10 minutes later I am freaking out because there is also no power in the hallway....yeeeeep. I exploded my dads apartment. i was just waiting for some french guy from next door to come over and start cussing me out en francais. My dad actually had to come home from work to restart the electricity...no shiiiiiz. I'm smart. Also I pretty much have an afro for the next 3 weeks, luckily i'm not in the market to score any french dudes.

Final fun fact of the day, the french have the best method of eating in the universe. Small breakfast, leisurely lunch, and amazingly long and delicious dinner. They start every dinner with an aperitif (aka, some fruity liquor or in most cases champagne. yes I might continue doing this for the rest of my life), then you have an individual starter, then a meal and some vino, then an after dinner 'digestif' aka other liquor, then dessert and some cafe. Plus throw in some bread in there if you are feeling adventurous. Holy ish, i'm in heaven (a sort of buzzed heaven most of the time). I hear all you diet conscious peeps freaking out over there, but somehow it all evens out. I cant explain it. Maybe since they have no low fat ANYTHING here you get full faster. Couldnt tell you, but they are doing it right. And yes, that also means no light beer. That part is still messing with me a bit.

most disjointed entry in the world but you get the idea. off to the museum. will update more after amsterdam next weekend, or if I remember one of the eight million interesting things i'm forgetting to tell you about. woot!

p.s i'm considering never coming home.

au revoir yo!

Start Spreading the News

So i've been slightly M.I.A, But i'm back. I figure since there's two faces sucking down mystery liquid from that flask, I maybe should help out Kiem a bit with the posting.

Since its freaking beautiful outside and I spent the last 24 hours discussing how amazing New York is, I figure what better way to merge back into blogdom than this.

A Few Reasons New York is Fucking Amazing and You Should Move Here Now. (brandon clark take notes)

1. The Obvious Reasons.

a. Everything is at your fingertips here. You want art? Check out the galleries, museums and those people sitting under that tree, painting in central park. Music? Any kind, anywhere, dj's, jazz lounges, rock bars, indie underground hipster places that you need a password to get into, oh also the guy playing the keyboard with the creepy dancing dolls in grand central (i KNOW you know what im talking about). There is every store, every food, every ethnicity, every shop, every specialty, and you can always find that random brand that they only have in some small town in Italy or some place in bumfuck Kansas. Everything. I mean it. You come and see... if theres something you can't find, i'll give you 20 bills. (seriously the cable company is pissed i could use some help with that)

b. You can be you and nobody gives a shit. Granted there are some people that are really awesome at being them no matter where they are. But for those who sometimes hate the feeling of sticking out like a sore thumb, theres no such thing in new york. There are so many whackjobs that its actually weirder to be 'normal'. You can fit in just as easily on wall street as you can in the village. No.One.Cares. Do you. I saw a chick flouncing down the street in a pink puffy sleeved 80's style prom dress and chucks the other day like it was nothing. She's my hero.

c. Theres 8 million people here. Any career you choose to follow can be started in new york. Bartend. Make millions on the stock market. Sell bootleg videos to tourists. Act on Broadway. Work as an assistant slave for a fashion magazine. 8 million. Try that on.

2. Hilarity.

New York is the most entertaining place I've ever been. I'm not exaggerating, you can literally walk outside and sit down for 30 minutes and be utterly and totally entertained just by people watching. Some excellent examples

A black man wearing an indian feather headdress and normal street clothes doing insanely loud birdcalls while walking down the street in the financial district. Black guy in fedora and coral blazer singing tunes, dancing and throwing out inspiration quotes in the middle of a dive bar. Very old skinny frail woman who can barely walk pushing young hyper totally capable of walking terrier in a doggy stroller. That guy in the bird suit. Nuff said.

there are more but im hungover leave me alone.

3. Convenience

One word. Delivery.
ANYTHING, anytime. You can have it with minimal effort and perhaps an extra dollar. Now suburbia, dont get ahead of yourself, i'm not just talking about food. Although it is key at 4am to have other options besides Dominoes (oh shit! dominoes is closed, 24 hour McD's?). You can get anything from a pack of cigs to a gallon of milk or a 6 pack delivered anytime. This is especially clutch at times like this morning when you are way to hungover to get out of bed and really need gatorade like NOW. Tell me that isnt the most amazing thing ever.

4. Best knockoffs of life

Short of hopping on a plane to Thailand, I'm pretty sure NYC and a little place I like to call Canal Street has cornered the market on reproduced-for-super-cheap-and-definitely-illegal goods. All one must do is stroll down Canal and wait for the calls of 'you want bag? prada, gucci, chanel. we got it. you want wallet?'. You follow these sketchsters into a small back room where they sometimes make you deposit your purse outside the door (no hidden cameras in illegal goods trading) and just flip through a nifty black binder of fake designer goods galore. After choosing your perfect knockoff you wait on the street until a van pulls up where an asian man will jump out with a large black trash bag, sprint across the street and deposit it in your hands, then promptly turn and run away, disappearing into the crowd of annoying tourists. I'm not kidding or exaggerating. Its awesome.

5. Friends of Friends*

There are all types of people in New York and although its funnier to write about the looney bins, most are really amazing. My absolute favorite thing about the citaaay is that I have met more people in the 10 or so months i've been here then ever before (ok not ever but you get the picture). Its so easy to meet people from all walks of life everywhere you go, and people actually keep in touch. its nuts. I'm still getting used to people saying 'lets hang out sometime' and then actually wanting to hang out. In miami that was code for 'im drunk and ill forget your name tomorrow'. There's no substitute for good friends, and I was mildly nervous moving here only knowing a few people. I should have known better, New York is dope citay, as are its inhabitants. (Cept that whole misunderstanding with the Yankees. They really do suck)



True, the winter sometimes makes me want to move to Africa and save the children (well I want to save the children anyway but GUESS WHAT something else you can do in NYC) but all in all this might be my favorite place i've lived so far. I won't stay here forever, but I can damn well see why people do.





*copyright Mike Ivers 2008

awkwardness by way of drug store

i have a unique fascination with awkwardness. while on the phone with my good friend thuwaiba thezine last night, i was reminiscing about some awkward situations i have encountered while in a drug store. i will share them here.

the 3am CVS cashier who judges you
alright so one night at around 3am, i was PMSing and needed some snacks. i'm actually PMSing right now and will write a future post about that. awesome right?? anyway, i went into CVS with specific items in mind: a pint of ben and jerry's, a large 4 dollar bag of chips, some sort of chocolate, cigarettes, and reading material. after gathering all of my consumables, i moseyed on over to the magazine rack. unfortunately for me, i had either read or owned all of the good magazines. the only ones i didn't have were "Self" or "Shape." so i grabbed "Shape" and headed over to the lady at the register. after plopping down all of my things, i then asked for a pack of parliament lights. she fetches my cancer sticks, then slowly registers (in her head) all of the things i am buying. what doesn't belong? hmmm. now correct me if i am wrong, but shouldn't cashiers who work at CVS at 3am keep their opinions to themselves? oh nooo, not this one. she says to me,

"ha ha ha, you're really buying all this junk food and cigarettes and then you're going to read 'Shape' magazine?"

and do you know what i said? nothing. i was in too much shock. i'm pretty sure it's illegal to say things like that. f you lady.

the post-gym candy aisle encounter
i work out quite a bit. just wanted to justify myself after the first example. anyway, one day on the elliptical, i noticed a pretty good looking guy. no offense if you are a guy who works at the WOW in randolph, but the good looking ones are pretty rare. i wasn't trying to pursue a romance with said man, but i thought "hmm. he's cute." after that gym session, i went to CVS (i really like CVS) and i went straight to the candy aisle. luckily for me, cute man also went right to CVS. he walks in, candy aisle in CLEAR vision upon entrance, and there's me. picking out candy. right after the gym. he made a face at me. and to that, i also say "f you!" what if i was getting sugar free candy?? hahaha yeah right.

douche is a real thing
several years ago when i was merely a first-week freshman at Tufts University, i was the eager little girl who wanted to be friends with everyone. that ended about a week later, but it was cute to try and get to know fellow classmates. it was particularly important to befriend hall mates, as these are the people you will see day in and day out. this one girl andrea* was nice enough. lived on the other end of the floor, but we still met somehow. later that week, i went to Brooks Pharmacy (didn't know where the CVS in porter square was then) in Davis Square to pick up a few items with some of my new girlfriends. i saw andrea at the end of an aisle, and being the perky nice girl that i was, i started walking towards her to say hi. however, something very strange happened. as i was approaching her from the other end of the aisle, a mortified look grew on her face, and she RAN AWAY. what??? i was already halfway down the aisle so i just kept walking, thinking to myself "what the hell??" i got to the end of the aisle, to the very spot where she was intently studying products and realized... she was looking at douches! up til then, i had always thought that "douchebag" was just a mean word. NOW I KNOW WHY THAT IS.

poor andrea

*this is her real name

RIP Jimmy Burns @ Randolph

tonight... at the end of cardio kickboxing... my gay pseudo boyfriend jimmy burns... told us... that he will NO LONGER BE TEACHING AT RANDOLPH. my heart dropped. i almost cried. maybe i did.

i feel like my boyfriend broke up with me. if my boyfriend were a gay cardio kickbox instructor who doesn't know my name and can shimmy better than i can.

i'll miss you jimmy

:(

springtime

there are always some tell-tale signs that spring is kicking into full effect. if you lived in randolph in the 2001-2004 era, you probably got excited when you saw the "walking lady" walking up and down north main street in her spandex. this meant that it was nice enough outside to walk incessantly all day long. what ever happened to her?

then of course you have the "oh my god it's 7pm and it's still light out!" that's always exciting. it also has to do with the changing of the clock thing but i am not scientific enough to explain this phenomenon.

THEN...girls slowly get sluttier. not so much slutty, but we can get away with wearing less clothing because it's so gosh darn nice out. obviously we can wear tank tops, shorts, etc. but what gets me really excited is the first day i can go out in flip flops! after months of tucking my jeans into my ugg boots, it's nice to let my beautifully pedicured feet out to breathe. this idea probably freaks jenna out because she has a phobia of feet.

that reminds me of this one guy who had a foot fetish....but that's neither here nor there.

my inspiration for this post is that it is really nice out. how nice? i just cleaned my car just to be outside. and i hate doing that.





now watch there be a nor'easter tomorrow. oh new england.

some more kim and sam time

me and sam on the treadmill, post-cardio kbox

sam: you know what song i really like lately?
me: what
sam: that song with lloyd and luda
me: oooh that song! lloyd, check. luda, check.
sam: yeeeah that song!
me: sittin' on 22 aaaacres
sam: i think that's a different song
me: oh.. yeah
sam: i thought we were gonna see luda at the concert we're going to, but i looked and it's loopy
me: you mean lupe? (pronounced loo-pay)
sam: oh. yeah.

WE ARE RETARDED

IM of the day/week/month

me: i got new sevens that i hafta go get hemmed
what time are u getting to the gym?
and do cardio kbox w me, dont work out w craig
i neeeed u
jimmy will be there i saw him yday
Samantha: im doing cardio with u
did ut alk to him
me: yea we're dating
im dating jimmy the gay cardio kbox instructor
he doesnt know it but whatever
Samantha: unconsciously he knows
me: hahaha
i think u mean subconsciously
cuz unconsciously is like when hes passed out
which makes me really creepy
Samantha: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
omg thats what i mean
me: hahaha
im putting this in my blog

friends should be happy for one another

the 6th deadly sin - envy.

people who don't know how to be happy for other people can fuck off. whenever something good happens to people around me, i am sincerely and genuinely happy for them. however, i am finding that this isn't always reciprocated. why the fuck is that? it must really suck to continuously have to compare your life to that of your friends. when you hear that something good is happening with your friends, you should think "wow, good for her/him" instead of "yeah i don't have that. why don't i have that? waaah" or "whatever it's not my life so i don't care."

i am not elaborating on this well, but i guess what i'm trying to say is that real friends should be happy for each other. you have a sad life if you can't even do that.

Don't Get Tatted Up Drunk

Courtesy of miss Samantha Dolgin and papa Dolgs.

Poll of the Day

So. As my close friends know (and some unsuspecting acquaintances) I like to randomly throw poll questions at people. Previous questions have included the standard "5 albums to bring on a desert island", "One dinner for the rest of your life" and the very well received "Thoughts on grape jelly?" (that was my favorite).

I decided hell. Why not blog about it. Feel free to add your own preferences in the comments and I'll try and keep this up on a semi-steady basis. But only if you freaks participate. So...if I randomly IM you with a weird question one day, don't take 5 minutes wondering why I'm so weird....use that brain juice and answer! Each number is a person, can you guess who's who? Dont try. Thats gay.

Todays Poll: Top Three Favorite Candies.

1. Take 5, Jumbo Reeses, Cadbury Eggs

2. 3 Muskateers, Twix, Milk Chocolate (runner up. crunch bars)

3. Kit Kat, Haribo Gummy Bears, Sour Gummy Worms

4. Starburst Lollipops, Fruit Rollips, Swedish Fish

5. Reeses, Mints (the ones you steal from restaurants), Raisenets

6. Snickers, M&M's, Skittles

7. Livesavers Mints. (im still shaking my head at you)

8. Whatchamacalits, Spree, Frozen Snickers

9. Skittles, Twix, Charston Chew (vanilla)


me?

cadbury mini eggs, carmello bars and swedish fish...... close behind is orange chocolate and chocolate covered gummy bears


Have a FABU-LESS and sugary filled day!



This entry dedicated to the recently discontinued hot chocolate lolly pops. RIP.

you're not helping

jon stewart... i would.

Hope You Don't Need to Pee Anytime Soon...

Have a Seat

I got this link sent to me during work today and really, it's too precious to ignore.

Let me summarize for you. This guy calls the police one day, because he reeeeaaaallly needs to drop a deuce. Like BAD. Why call the police? Because his girlfriend won't come out of the bathroom....

for... drumroll.....

TWO YEARS. TWO WHOLE YEARS.

The skin of her legs had actually grown around the toilet seat. They had to pry the seat off and take it with her to the hospital.

There are so many things wrong with this I dont even know where to start.

First of all, why did nobody notice this woman was missing for TWO YEARS, even cat ladies and social rejects have somebody who would notice their dropping off the planet. And how is it possible that for that amount of time, not one person entered that house and needed to use the bathroom? For that matter, where the hell was the boyfriend excreting all that time? I'd be willing to bet that along with a big stash of crazy pills, the cops might also find a whoooooole lotta shit in the backyard. This is just more fun than assuming they have a second bathroom.

Another fun fact. This woman apparently didn’t WANT to come out of the bathroom. Her boyfriend brought her food and water while she sat, on the toilet, for TWO years.

And how the hell do you date someone on a toilet?

Why would you not call the authorities after the first WEEK of your psycho significant other refusing to move from le toilet? Not to mention the fact that eating and drinking for two years in a bathroom is disgusting, especially when the toilet obviously couldnt be cleaned since it was clearly obstructed by her ass. Germs people, germs obviously powerful enough to kill the brain cells that would tell any normal person BATHROOM DOES NOT = PERMENANT PLACE OF RESIDENCE.

Plus, it can't be comfortable, sitting on hard cold porcelain with a hole in the middle of it for 730 days. Nooooo thank you. If I ever choose to become a psychopath I would much rather attach myself to my bed or perhaps a nice comfy sofa.

You really have to wonder about this boyfriend. Does he have no sexual urges? Did they do it while she was on the toilet?

And what about entertainment? Did he provide her with an endless stream of reading materials? Did he not get kinda freaked out at the site of her skin making its way around the edges of the seat? Did he eventually just start sliding trays of food through a slot like in some weird prison movie because he couldnt deal with the nasty factor anymore? I mean, its not like she could shower from the toilet.

Do you think he ever considered selling tickets around the neighborhood for kids to come see the "Toilet Girl"? Did he try to maybe try sell her off to traveling circus's and freak shows before realizing it was more gross than fascinating and finally getting the cops to physically remove her from his restroom?

Really toilet girl and toilet girls boyfriend? REALLY?


What finally happened after two years of toilet sitting that made this guy go.....

OK THATS IT. YOU'RE SO OUT OF MY FUCKING BATHROOM!

.....

..........

………….

Maybe she didn't flush?

God will grade on a curve

there is no way that the rules of the olden days can still apply today. sometimes, you just gotta adjust to accommodate unexpected changes or shifts. just like when every student gets a 50 on an exam, the teacher has to grade on a curve so that the whole class doesn't fail. similarly, i think God will (or at least should, or else we're all fucking screwed) give us some leeway.

do you even know all the shit that can damn you to the fiery pits of hell? pretty much ANYTHING you do either causes cancer or guarantees you a spot down under. there is no way God wants the entire universe to end up in hell. like the whole no sex before marriage thing. uh, okay. like that's gonna happen. if that holds true, everyone i know is going to hell.

i'm not positive, but i think The Big Guy will let some things slide.
otherwise i'll see you in hell.

i want to be friends with mike huckabee

obama said it best in "the audacity of hope" ... he doesn't dislike george w. bush, but he just doesn't think the guy should be president. maybe the owner of the local car dealership or coach of little league. i feel the same way about mike huckabee. he definitely shouldn't be president, but i want to be his friend so badly. he ate squirrels in college and said "i should say it tastes a lot like chicken, but it doesn't. it tastes like squirrel." the guy is insane! like yeah, that's fucking weird, but i bet he was that guy who never backed down on a dare.

mike huckabee, if you're reading this... let's be bff.

here's a clip of him on SNL a few weeks ago

it's like a party in my mouth

i complain about people a lot, and i think it's because when i get really riled up i like to use writing as an outlet. and drugs. haha just kidding. i only write when i'm bored.

but let's not lose sight that i am generally a happy and fun person who enjoys many things in life, and among my favorites is FOOD. anyone who knows me at all knows that you cannot get in the way of my food. trinh put it best when she says "don't mess with kim's family or food." i like that.

so since i might be switching careers and starting to do something more monetarily rewarding but not so much rewarding in the good Samaritan sense, i've taken to doing volunteer work to maybe fill that gap, and maybe also rack up some good karma points. jenna doesn't think i'll be able to keep this up, but i'm keeping my fingers crossed.

i had the opportunity to combine some of the things i like into one event: volunteer work and FOOD. last night i volunteered at this huge dinner benefit called "Taste of the South End" and it. was. amazing. there were a bunch of high end restaurants serving food at the glamorous black tie affair, and since i was a volunteer, i got to EAT FO FREE! it was amazing. some of my favorites were the sushi from Oiishi, the carrot cake cupcake with cream cheese frosting from South End Buttery, the scallops from Stix, the duck confit salad from Sage, and many many more. it was seriously orgasmic.

and we got little goodie bags at the end with cookies and things. i just ate a cookie and was reminded of all my food bliss from yesterday.

i'm having withdrawal symptoms! and possibly still drunk.

read Nagib's recount of the event here.

toodaloo!

Miladys is Classy

Soho is home to many a winebar/restaurant. There's a variety of foods in a number of chic settings on every corner and cobble stoned sidestreet. However, you would be hard pressed to find a good dive bar, or actually any bar where the beer is under 10 bucks a bottle and the people are at a level of pretension that can be handled by us ‘normal’ members of society.

Aka soho’s mad snobby and expensive yo!

Well. Slight exaggeration on the dive bar thing… my coworkers (ew. Hate that word.) and I have actually managed to find a perfectly dark and dingy cheap ass aka awesome dive bar in soho. It’s called Miladys, and boy do they know low-class. The fact that it’s probably the cheapest place to drink in Soho is great and the bomb-ass food, pool table and inclusion of a photo-hunt machine and jukebox doesn’t hurt.

One thing about dive bars however, is that along with the dingy darkened corners comes dingy darkened (read: sketchy) clientele and employees. Milady’s, granted isn’t that bad, there’s usually a normal after work crew, the crazy eccentric waitress and some random weirdo’s at the bar. When we stopped in for a beer on Monday we got to witness these specimens interacting in such a stunning display of intelligence that I felt the need to pass it along to all of you out there in ‘im so bored I guess ill look at kim and jenna’s blog’ land.

Meet ‘waitress’
Appears to be somewhere between 25-30 years of age. But honestly she could be 45. I have no idea. General appearance gives off a vibe that screams lack of showering (not trying to be mean here people, just painting you a picture. Chicks greasy.) with eclectic rastafarian meets urban hipster meets your 16 year old brothers t-shirt drawer style. She’s very nice and very flaky, the kind of person you would imagine using every spare moment of their day to smoke joints in the bathroom. She loves to chat but the whole joint smoking factor keeps the conversation topics oddly paced and rather awkward if you have had less than 4 beers (which by the way, we had).

Meet ‘awkward couple?’
Guy and chick (man and woman would really be pushing it) appear around the age of 21-22. They are hunched over their little two person table having a conversation about god knows what, probably some book or a class they had together or how many oranges people in florida eat a day, I don’t know. They are the type of people who want to keep the people watchers guessing so they drift back and forth between acting like old pals and acting like budding lovers. I honestly don’t really notice them until the following exchange takes place.

Waitress comes over to take our order and per usual she is taking her sweet ass time which is absolutely fine with me if that’s all that comes between us and a 4$ brew. The normal ‘ooooh hey guys….whats going oooon’ conversation starts (important to note that all speech exiting waitresses mouth has looooong drawn out vowels). We exchange hellos like any good patrons who don’t want spittle ending up in their nacho’s later would, when we realize hmmm…waitress isn’t leaving. This quickly becomes ‘shit. Waitress obviously just sucked down a doobie and wants to discuss life with us’.
Topic of the day? (keep in mind. Its march.) Kwanza.
Don’t ask cause I got nothing.

“Hey…” she says, blinking her bloodshot eyes. “what’s the deal with kwanza..did you guys know some guy just made it up?”

in our minds: uuuuh, that cool but why are we talking about kwanza when there is beer drinking to be done.

cut to: blah blah kwanza is only 30 years old, etc etc. 5 minutes pass and we are hit with this life altering question

“So if it’s so new then does kwanza really exist?”

hmmm. wow...tough one. my mind is starting to hurt just from typing the very words....
OF COURSE this prompts the intellectuals behind me (aka. Awkward couple?) to pitch in their two cents. (Actually it was just the annoying chick, I don’t want to place any blame on the poor unassuming dude with her.)

She adds this pearl to the discussion

Awkward chick : “Of course it exists. I mean, my birthday exists and I celebrate it, but its new.”
(i know. this blew my primitive mind too)
Waitress: “oh true..yeaaaah…good point…true…I like that….truuue. What do you guys think? Would you participate in kwanza?”
(we are drinking and trying to avert our eyes by this time)
awkward chick: “ hell yeah. How do you even become kwanzian though?”

Note to awkward girl:
Kwanzian?!?!?! Really!?!?!? Do you also speak Mexican? Can you write Asian? Perhaps you should keep your mouth shut lest all the ignorance fall right out, you may need it when dealing with other annoying young chicks in the future.

Lets look on the sunny side of things. At least we have the comfort of knowing that Kwanza exists because birthdays exist. I mean wow. Life really makes sense now.

Mom. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Because birthdays exist honey.

Mom. How do we know there’s a god?
Because I have a birthday dear.

Mom. Why does my birthday prove kwanza exists?
Because you’re a fucking idiot pumpkin, go to sleep.


Pffffff. People.

DAMN YOU STARBUCKS

Dear Starbucks,

I don't know if anyone's told you, but its illegal to put coke/crack/speed and other addictive drugs in beverages that you sell to the public. You're ruining my life and wallet. Please stop.

sincerly,
Jenna


I swore I would never do it. We grew up on $1.50 dunk's: regular coffee that tastes booomb. Now here I am in NYC, strategically placed across the street from a starbucks, where I discovered the power of the triple-grande-skinny-cinnamon-dolce-latte. Fuckin' thing's 6 bucks.

SIX DOLLA!
FOR A COFFEE?!?!

I could get a damn sang and a soda for the price of my deliciously awesome cafe beverage, I know. I try not to go back for more..but I'm addicted. What can I say. Its damn delish. Is there a Latte Addicts Anon (LAA if you will) meeting that I can attend? Perhaps an anti-starbucks seminar? Why do they call it a latte? Because it costs a latte, and it takes a latte time to make. Fact.

I'm off...latte time. Spare yourself and never sample this amazing beverage.

march 4, 2008

i'll let someone else do the talking today.

fat free pringles will kill you

DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT EAT FAT FREE PRINGLES!
JUST DON'T DO IT. EVER.

television back in time for my birthday

to the guy upstairs: thank you.

they say you don't know what you got til it's gone, and after this 3-month-too-long WGA strike, i have a newfound appreciation for television. probably not what the dude who invented that quote had in mind, but that's okay. the best part is, all my shows are coming back around the time of my birthday, april 22. this is the best present ever! (not literally, in case any of you bastards are thinking of using this excuse to not buy me anything)

here's an update on the shows i care about:

30 Rock

Expected to shoot 5 new episodes to begin airing on April 10.

Brothers & Sisters

Expected to shoot 4 new episodes to air beginning April 20.

Desperate Housewives

Expected to shoot 6 new episodes (including a two-hour finale) to air beginning April 13.

Gossip Girl

Expected to shoot 5 new episodes to begin airing on April 21.

The Office

Expected to shoot 6 new episodes to begin airing on April 10.

One Tree Hill*

Four pre-strike episodes remain, the last of which airs on March 18. Expected to shoot 6 additional episodes to begin airing on April 14.

Samantha Who?

Three pre-strike episodes remain. Expected to shoot an additional 3 episodes. All 6 episodes will air beginning April 7 after Dancing with the Stars.

Saturday Night Live

Returned Feb. 23 with Tina Fey as host.

Ugly Betty

Expected to shoot 5 new episodes to air beginning April 24.

*this is a joke

don't see what you're looking for? click here

KAYLAYOUT

hillary clinton desperate, acts like maniac

okay i lied when i said i wasn't going to talk about politics on this blog. sorry.

HILLARY CLINTON IS FUCKING DESPERATE AND CRAZY. she needs to relax with those crazy pills before she does that creepy "the system. is down" sparking seizuring thing like in the stepford wives movie. i wouldn't be surprised if she really were a robot.

okay, we get it, you thought you would be doing way better than you are right now, but that's no reason to start getting all stupid on us. stop telling people that they should be "ashamed" of themselves when you're the one who is acting like a frigid manipulative bitch. "change you can xerox" got you boo'd, screaming and waving the month-old pamphlets in the air telling barack to meet you outside makes you look hysterical... but the "dressed" fiasco is the lowest of low. even for you hillary. and your campaign manager's fake response is one of the stupidest things i have ever heard.

here, have a synopsis
someone from the stupid hillary campaign: check this out. it's a picture of barack obama in traditional Somali elder garb! he's wearing a TURBAN! he is totes a terrorist!!!! dude, if hillary wore this she would get so much more shit. check out the turban... no seriously, i think we all know what a turban means.
David Plouffe, Obama campaign manager: "On the very day that Sen. Clinton is giving a speech about restoring respect for America in the world, her campaign has engaged in the most shameful, offensive fear-mongering we’ve seen from either party in this election. This is part of a disturbing pattern that led her county chairs to resign in Iowa, her campaign chairman to resign in New Hampshire, and it’s exactly the kind of divisive politics that turns away Americans of all parties and diminishes respect for America in the world."
Maggie Williams, back-up hillary campaign manager 'cause her previous Latina campaign manager got fired: are you saying that wearing traditional clothing is bad?? that's fucked up. hillary's worn traditional clothes many times.... yeah. that makes sense right? wait, what are we talking about again? ugh. can i get fired now.
me: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!??!

omg ralph nader

ralph nader has entered the presidential race.
what a freaking moron.

more later

Potato Wave

My brother showed me this so long ago but I forgot about it until I saw someone listening to this song today. Can you see dems?

Some funny's

I didn't even know but this was published under Jan. 28 and per Kiem's suggestion, I have moved it up. raar. True story.

The Story of the Morman Grandma.

The subways of NYC provide some pretty interesting, at times freaky, always entertaining people watching. You literally never know what to expect when you descend those smelly ass steps. A rat in the train? An hour delay? A clown? Anything is possible.

WELL....

This summer I was riding the subway to work, mind you its like 8:30 in the morning and everyone is more interesting in drowning in their coffees rather than chatting away or even looking up. I am sitting across from a grandmotherly looking old women. I'm talking stereotypical, orthopedic shoes, little gingham dress, curly hair, glasses grandma. Shes quietly knitting away at something on her lap when onto the train comes a tattoo clad vin diesel look alike, complete with chains, leather and huge ass-kicking boots who sits down besides grandma.

After a minute or two the old lady turns to mr. i-could-kill-you-with-my-bare-hands-if-I-so-pleased and touches his arm where he has a tattoo in sanskrit traveling up to his shoulder
"OOOOOOH! That's pretty! What does that mean?" The woman asked...
Taken aback the man removes his earphones and explains to her the meaning of the tattoo.
Two minutes later she turns to him again. "Are you a latter-day saint?"

there is audible chuckling. this man does not appear to be morman. at ALL.

"Um. Excuse me?" The man replies, not sure what to make of this woman. She proceeds to poke him with her knitting needle and asks again "Are you a latter-day saint?"
"Um....No." He says slowly, leaning away from the knitting needle.

There is about 2 minutes of awkward trying not to laugh silence before grandma gets up to exit the train. The tattooed man is giving us all eyes like he is trying not to start hysterically laughing when she pauses at the door and turns to him again.
This time she points to a large tattoo of a tiger the man has up and around his other huge-ass bicept.

"Oooooh a kitty!" she says, and makes her hand into a claw. "Raaaaar"

IM of the day/week/month

i'm on AIM/g-chat a hell of a lot and sometimes people are funny. i think i will start to post some funny IMs/msgs from time to time.


andrew.giacomi: You intrigue me

me: hahaha

andrew.giacomi: Like the dinosaurs

Or outer space

i have three houses in the same city

i've been filling out a lot of online job apps and also requesting a lot of info for biz school. needless to say, i've had to type my name, address, etc etc... a million times. but one thing i don't understand is this:

Street Address 1 __________________

Street Address 2 __________________

Street Address 3 __________________

City _____________________________

State ____

like forreals? it's that common for people to have multiple street addresses in the same city? so common that it's on every single application for anything ever in the history of life?

i'm sure there's a logical explanation.
i just don't want to understand it.

remember karma

notes from g-chat
nagibc: im all about the karma
me: me too
ask my tattooist

i strongly believe in karma, and that shit can be a bitch. but sometimes, when you're not such an asshole, the universe actually does throw some good karma your way.

i like to think i've stocked up on some good karma. i don't cheat, steal, lie. i don't purposely do anything mean. sure i can be sarcastic, but that's different. when someone leaves their wallet behind at store 24, i run after them to hand it back. if i find anything with an address on it, i return it. if bank of america hasn't stolen all my money and i'm not in the red, i'll give the homeless dude a dollar. i'm not sure if this is because i am one of the few nice people left (not many would describe me as nice) or because i'm selfishly trying to stock up on good karma for the universe to generously dispense my way. maybe a combo of both.

in the past few months, i've had some bad luck. things went pretty downhill for a while and it got the point where i told myself that things really can't go anywhere but up.

hello, universe? yeah, hi. remember me? it's kim. remember? the girl who ran after the bitch from the volleyball team to give her back her coach's keys that she carelessly dropped by the pool? she would have gotten in so much trouble, and i fucking hate her, but i went and did it anyway. yeah so, do you think you could throw me some of that good karma? maybe? alright, well let me know.

i think the big U finally got the message 'cause things have been looking up for lil miss kim. and also, my cousin put an offer on a sick ass house yesterday, and today they accepted her offer. i can't help but feel somewhat responsible for this. i mean, i'm pretty sure my good karma is overflowing to those around me.

is it sad that while these good things are happening, i am secretly nervous that it's a sign something really bad will happen? such a cynic...

Tuneage

So if you have been inside pretty much any starbucks or record store within the past month or so, then you have most likely seen the picture of the blonde chick drawing all over her face with markers.

Yes it confused me too. Whats with the markers? But I downloaded the CD only to find out that she's one of the chicks from Zero 7. The one who just happens to have the most amazing voice, and showcases it on one of my favorite songs ever. Below, peep the new and the old.

Sia, Death by Chocolate.


Zero 7, Destiny.

This is For You "Zach"

We landed a big account on tuesday and the boss took us out for celebratory drinks. Here's a little snipet of our conversation, Ill change the names for fun but. You know who you are you dirty freak. (just kidding i love you)


Lisa: So this guy basically dates her, and then tells her that he was never attracted to her or even liked her and only took her out to help himself get ahead
Sasha: What an asshole!
Lisa: AND listen to this, the man masturbates with CONDIMENTS! And now they're married.
Me: Wait....condiments?
Lisa: Yep. Mustard, Ketchup, Mayo, whatever. WHO.DOES.THAT?
::pause::
Zach:......What... kind of mustard?




hahaha. classic.

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

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SPANKS!

- j


****UPDATE*****

Donezo. Love it or leave it. ; )