at least it's not awk

i love awkwardness. i love that numbing uncomfortable feeling that takes over your body as you cringe and hide your face 'cause you can't even face the situation. the best is when the awkwardness is happening to someone else. that way you can still experience these emotions, but there are no real consequences.

awkward stuff happens all the time.

here are some personal examples:

1) the "shit, we're the only 2 people walking down the street and we are going to be face-to-face in a minute but let's pretend we don't see each other yet"
this happened particularly often at Tufts. for some god awful reason, nobody else would ever be out on the street when i would encounter the last person i wanted to see. perhaps a drunken weekend hookup victim or something. who knows. anyway, i would be walking that way, and he'd be walking this way. we both see each other coming, but we pretend like we don't. this entails looking up at the sky like it's especially fascinating that day, looking from side to side then down to the ground, digging in my purse 'cause maybe my phone is ringing. doesn't matter that nobody else can hear it. it's really high pitched ring tone, only i can hear it.
then FINALLY when you are within inches of each other, you do the whole "oh! hey! what's up?" and then keep walking. then a sigh of relief like, phew, that's over. it doesn't sound like a big deal, but those moments are super awkward and uncomfortable. i feel awkward writing about it.

2) the phone fake-out
perhaps you have pretended to dig around for your phone, but there are still many seconds left before the "OH HI DIDN'T SEE YOU COMING" moment. what do you do? in the past, i have pretended to be on the phone. this sounds pathetic, but it's true. i locate my phone, hold it up to my ear, and pretend like i'm talking to another real human being. these conversations to myself usually go something like, "hey! sorry i missed your call. yeah i'm walking to class right now. hahaha, i know right! that was soooo funny!"
the phone fake-out is good because it minimizes verbal contact with the person you want to avoid. since you're distracted on an important call, all you have to do is nod and smile once you are within appropriate distance. it's perfect.
HOWEVER, this plan is not fool-proof. make sure that your phone is on silent. one time, i was fake chatting up a storm, when the phone actually STARTED RINGING as my unsuspecting friend stared at me startled. not only did i see him coming, find my phone, start fake-talking to avoid him, but then it rings in my ear causing me to throw it at the poor kid. now he has to stop in his tracks, bend over and pick up my phone. i sheepishly giggle, say sorry, and continue on my merry way, making sure to say "i think we just got disconnected" extra loud.


these are the most awkward situations i can think of right now. to be honest, i don't really get embarrassed easily and i've become pretty good at laughing at myself. that's what you gotta do to be able to really appreciate what life throws at you. nobody likes an awkward person with a stick up their ass.

life's too short to be cool
embrace your inner tool

i'm out