Bonjour Kids

Greetings from across the ocean. It's about 7am your time so I doubt any of you are up yet but hey. I am. Going to the Louvre in a few to check it out and meet up with Hannah who also happens to be in the city this week, but I wanted to give a quick update. (Who's slacking now kiem?!?!)

First off Paris is amazing. Besides the language barrier (which could be much worse considering I speak a bit of french and they speak a bit of english) I am loving every minute. I've been exploring and have probably walked about 50 miles in the last 5 days but made up for it in wine, beer, pastries and other bomb-ass foods. Everything is insanely beautiful, and coming from new york its strange because the buildings are all so short. Not small, just short. Nothing towers above you and most of the city is flat so looking from a high point like Sacre Coeur or the top of a monument you can see everything and the roofs of the buildings are so even it looks like you could jump from rooftop to rooftop all the way across Paris. At the same time the buildings are so ornate and generally HUGE that everywhere you go you want to stop and examine everything....oooor that could just be me being a dork. Most likely its the second one.

Backing up a bit, interesting things that I have noticed/that have happened since i've been here.

First off I flew here from New York with what must have been a field trip or study abroad of some sort because oh joy, I was sitting amongst about 75 french teenagers in I <3 NY shirts carrying abercrombie bags and wearing Yankees hats. (Fucking yanks following me everywhere). Quite possibly the most annoying way to travel, with all these kids screaming french over me for 6 hours. Buuuuut the flight was quick, thank the lord.

Also, I don't know who told the French that abercrombie was cool. But its EVERYWHERE. They must thing it's hot shit in america because I have seen more people over here (most of them over the age of 20) wearing it then I do at home. I am still working on figuring out how to say 'did you know only 14 year olds in the US wear that shit?' in french.

Also even though they don't watch baseball or any other american sports there are yanks hats EVERYWHERE. French people love new york. i dont get it, I really dont. Its one of their biggest faults. (go sox.)

Another fun fact, yeeeeeah voltage converters.... they lie. My first day in the apartment alone I plugged in my blowdryer, JUST PLUGGED IT IN, didnt even turn the fricken thing on and all the sudden something exploded. I look down and my hands, the socket and my blowdryer are completely black. A minute of shock later and I realize I blew a fuse in the bedroom. 5 minutes later and I realize there was no power in the entire apartment. 10 minutes later I am freaking out because there is also no power in the hallway....yeeeeep. I exploded my dads apartment. i was just waiting for some french guy from next door to come over and start cussing me out en francais. My dad actually had to come home from work to restart the electricity...no shiiiiiz. I'm smart. Also I pretty much have an afro for the next 3 weeks, luckily i'm not in the market to score any french dudes.

Final fun fact of the day, the french have the best method of eating in the universe. Small breakfast, leisurely lunch, and amazingly long and delicious dinner. They start every dinner with an aperitif (aka, some fruity liquor or in most cases champagne. yes I might continue doing this for the rest of my life), then you have an individual starter, then a meal and some vino, then an after dinner 'digestif' aka other liquor, then dessert and some cafe. Plus throw in some bread in there if you are feeling adventurous. Holy ish, i'm in heaven (a sort of buzzed heaven most of the time). I hear all you diet conscious peeps freaking out over there, but somehow it all evens out. I cant explain it. Maybe since they have no low fat ANYTHING here you get full faster. Couldnt tell you, but they are doing it right. And yes, that also means no light beer. That part is still messing with me a bit.

most disjointed entry in the world but you get the idea. off to the museum. will update more after amsterdam next weekend, or if I remember one of the eight million interesting things i'm forgetting to tell you about. woot!

p.s i'm considering never coming home.

au revoir yo!

Start Spreading the News

So i've been slightly M.I.A, But i'm back. I figure since there's two faces sucking down mystery liquid from that flask, I maybe should help out Kiem a bit with the posting.

Since its freaking beautiful outside and I spent the last 24 hours discussing how amazing New York is, I figure what better way to merge back into blogdom than this.

A Few Reasons New York is Fucking Amazing and You Should Move Here Now. (brandon clark take notes)

1. The Obvious Reasons.

a. Everything is at your fingertips here. You want art? Check out the galleries, museums and those people sitting under that tree, painting in central park. Music? Any kind, anywhere, dj's, jazz lounges, rock bars, indie underground hipster places that you need a password to get into, oh also the guy playing the keyboard with the creepy dancing dolls in grand central (i KNOW you know what im talking about). There is every store, every food, every ethnicity, every shop, every specialty, and you can always find that random brand that they only have in some small town in Italy or some place in bumfuck Kansas. Everything. I mean it. You come and see... if theres something you can't find, i'll give you 20 bills. (seriously the cable company is pissed i could use some help with that)

b. You can be you and nobody gives a shit. Granted there are some people that are really awesome at being them no matter where they are. But for those who sometimes hate the feeling of sticking out like a sore thumb, theres no such thing in new york. There are so many whackjobs that its actually weirder to be 'normal'. You can fit in just as easily on wall street as you can in the village. No.One.Cares. Do you. I saw a chick flouncing down the street in a pink puffy sleeved 80's style prom dress and chucks the other day like it was nothing. She's my hero.

c. Theres 8 million people here. Any career you choose to follow can be started in new york. Bartend. Make millions on the stock market. Sell bootleg videos to tourists. Act on Broadway. Work as an assistant slave for a fashion magazine. 8 million. Try that on.

2. Hilarity.

New York is the most entertaining place I've ever been. I'm not exaggerating, you can literally walk outside and sit down for 30 minutes and be utterly and totally entertained just by people watching. Some excellent examples

A black man wearing an indian feather headdress and normal street clothes doing insanely loud birdcalls while walking down the street in the financial district. Black guy in fedora and coral blazer singing tunes, dancing and throwing out inspiration quotes in the middle of a dive bar. Very old skinny frail woman who can barely walk pushing young hyper totally capable of walking terrier in a doggy stroller. That guy in the bird suit. Nuff said.

there are more but im hungover leave me alone.

3. Convenience

One word. Delivery.
ANYTHING, anytime. You can have it with minimal effort and perhaps an extra dollar. Now suburbia, dont get ahead of yourself, i'm not just talking about food. Although it is key at 4am to have other options besides Dominoes (oh shit! dominoes is closed, 24 hour McD's?). You can get anything from a pack of cigs to a gallon of milk or a 6 pack delivered anytime. This is especially clutch at times like this morning when you are way to hungover to get out of bed and really need gatorade like NOW. Tell me that isnt the most amazing thing ever.

4. Best knockoffs of life

Short of hopping on a plane to Thailand, I'm pretty sure NYC and a little place I like to call Canal Street has cornered the market on reproduced-for-super-cheap-and-definitely-illegal goods. All one must do is stroll down Canal and wait for the calls of 'you want bag? prada, gucci, chanel. we got it. you want wallet?'. You follow these sketchsters into a small back room where they sometimes make you deposit your purse outside the door (no hidden cameras in illegal goods trading) and just flip through a nifty black binder of fake designer goods galore. After choosing your perfect knockoff you wait on the street until a van pulls up where an asian man will jump out with a large black trash bag, sprint across the street and deposit it in your hands, then promptly turn and run away, disappearing into the crowd of annoying tourists. I'm not kidding or exaggerating. Its awesome.

5. Friends of Friends*

There are all types of people in New York and although its funnier to write about the looney bins, most are really amazing. My absolute favorite thing about the citaaay is that I have met more people in the 10 or so months i've been here then ever before (ok not ever but you get the picture). Its so easy to meet people from all walks of life everywhere you go, and people actually keep in touch. its nuts. I'm still getting used to people saying 'lets hang out sometime' and then actually wanting to hang out. In miami that was code for 'im drunk and ill forget your name tomorrow'. There's no substitute for good friends, and I was mildly nervous moving here only knowing a few people. I should have known better, New York is dope citay, as are its inhabitants. (Cept that whole misunderstanding with the Yankees. They really do suck)



True, the winter sometimes makes me want to move to Africa and save the children (well I want to save the children anyway but GUESS WHAT something else you can do in NYC) but all in all this might be my favorite place i've lived so far. I won't stay here forever, but I can damn well see why people do.





*copyright Mike Ivers 2008

awkwardness by way of drug store

i have a unique fascination with awkwardness. while on the phone with my good friend thuwaiba thezine last night, i was reminiscing about some awkward situations i have encountered while in a drug store. i will share them here.

the 3am CVS cashier who judges you
alright so one night at around 3am, i was PMSing and needed some snacks. i'm actually PMSing right now and will write a future post about that. awesome right?? anyway, i went into CVS with specific items in mind: a pint of ben and jerry's, a large 4 dollar bag of chips, some sort of chocolate, cigarettes, and reading material. after gathering all of my consumables, i moseyed on over to the magazine rack. unfortunately for me, i had either read or owned all of the good magazines. the only ones i didn't have were "Self" or "Shape." so i grabbed "Shape" and headed over to the lady at the register. after plopping down all of my things, i then asked for a pack of parliament lights. she fetches my cancer sticks, then slowly registers (in her head) all of the things i am buying. what doesn't belong? hmmm. now correct me if i am wrong, but shouldn't cashiers who work at CVS at 3am keep their opinions to themselves? oh nooo, not this one. she says to me,

"ha ha ha, you're really buying all this junk food and cigarettes and then you're going to read 'Shape' magazine?"

and do you know what i said? nothing. i was in too much shock. i'm pretty sure it's illegal to say things like that. f you lady.

the post-gym candy aisle encounter
i work out quite a bit. just wanted to justify myself after the first example. anyway, one day on the elliptical, i noticed a pretty good looking guy. no offense if you are a guy who works at the WOW in randolph, but the good looking ones are pretty rare. i wasn't trying to pursue a romance with said man, but i thought "hmm. he's cute." after that gym session, i went to CVS (i really like CVS) and i went straight to the candy aisle. luckily for me, cute man also went right to CVS. he walks in, candy aisle in CLEAR vision upon entrance, and there's me. picking out candy. right after the gym. he made a face at me. and to that, i also say "f you!" what if i was getting sugar free candy?? hahaha yeah right.

douche is a real thing
several years ago when i was merely a first-week freshman at Tufts University, i was the eager little girl who wanted to be friends with everyone. that ended about a week later, but it was cute to try and get to know fellow classmates. it was particularly important to befriend hall mates, as these are the people you will see day in and day out. this one girl andrea* was nice enough. lived on the other end of the floor, but we still met somehow. later that week, i went to Brooks Pharmacy (didn't know where the CVS in porter square was then) in Davis Square to pick up a few items with some of my new girlfriends. i saw andrea at the end of an aisle, and being the perky nice girl that i was, i started walking towards her to say hi. however, something very strange happened. as i was approaching her from the other end of the aisle, a mortified look grew on her face, and she RAN AWAY. what??? i was already halfway down the aisle so i just kept walking, thinking to myself "what the hell??" i got to the end of the aisle, to the very spot where she was intently studying products and realized... she was looking at douches! up til then, i had always thought that "douchebag" was just a mean word. NOW I KNOW WHY THAT IS.

poor andrea

*this is her real name

RIP Jimmy Burns @ Randolph

tonight... at the end of cardio kickboxing... my gay pseudo boyfriend jimmy burns... told us... that he will NO LONGER BE TEACHING AT RANDOLPH. my heart dropped. i almost cried. maybe i did.

i feel like my boyfriend broke up with me. if my boyfriend were a gay cardio kickbox instructor who doesn't know my name and can shimmy better than i can.

i'll miss you jimmy

:(

springtime

there are always some tell-tale signs that spring is kicking into full effect. if you lived in randolph in the 2001-2004 era, you probably got excited when you saw the "walking lady" walking up and down north main street in her spandex. this meant that it was nice enough outside to walk incessantly all day long. what ever happened to her?

then of course you have the "oh my god it's 7pm and it's still light out!" that's always exciting. it also has to do with the changing of the clock thing but i am not scientific enough to explain this phenomenon.

THEN...girls slowly get sluttier. not so much slutty, but we can get away with wearing less clothing because it's so gosh darn nice out. obviously we can wear tank tops, shorts, etc. but what gets me really excited is the first day i can go out in flip flops! after months of tucking my jeans into my ugg boots, it's nice to let my beautifully pedicured feet out to breathe. this idea probably freaks jenna out because she has a phobia of feet.

that reminds me of this one guy who had a foot fetish....but that's neither here nor there.

my inspiration for this post is that it is really nice out. how nice? i just cleaned my car just to be outside. and i hate doing that.





now watch there be a nor'easter tomorrow. oh new england.

some more kim and sam time

me and sam on the treadmill, post-cardio kbox

sam: you know what song i really like lately?
me: what
sam: that song with lloyd and luda
me: oooh that song! lloyd, check. luda, check.
sam: yeeeah that song!
me: sittin' on 22 aaaacres
sam: i think that's a different song
me: oh.. yeah
sam: i thought we were gonna see luda at the concert we're going to, but i looked and it's loopy
me: you mean lupe? (pronounced loo-pay)
sam: oh. yeah.

WE ARE RETARDED

IM of the day/week/month

me: i got new sevens that i hafta go get hemmed
what time are u getting to the gym?
and do cardio kbox w me, dont work out w craig
i neeeed u
jimmy will be there i saw him yday
Samantha: im doing cardio with u
did ut alk to him
me: yea we're dating
im dating jimmy the gay cardio kbox instructor
he doesnt know it but whatever
Samantha: unconsciously he knows
me: hahaha
i think u mean subconsciously
cuz unconsciously is like when hes passed out
which makes me really creepy
Samantha: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
omg thats what i mean
me: hahaha
im putting this in my blog

friends should be happy for one another

the 6th deadly sin - envy.

people who don't know how to be happy for other people can fuck off. whenever something good happens to people around me, i am sincerely and genuinely happy for them. however, i am finding that this isn't always reciprocated. why the fuck is that? it must really suck to continuously have to compare your life to that of your friends. when you hear that something good is happening with your friends, you should think "wow, good for her/him" instead of "yeah i don't have that. why don't i have that? waaah" or "whatever it's not my life so i don't care."

i am not elaborating on this well, but i guess what i'm trying to say is that real friends should be happy for each other. you have a sad life if you can't even do that.