Start Spreading the News

So i've been slightly M.I.A, But i'm back. I figure since there's two faces sucking down mystery liquid from that flask, I maybe should help out Kiem a bit with the posting.

Since its freaking beautiful outside and I spent the last 24 hours discussing how amazing New York is, I figure what better way to merge back into blogdom than this.

A Few Reasons New York is Fucking Amazing and You Should Move Here Now. (brandon clark take notes)

1. The Obvious Reasons.

a. Everything is at your fingertips here. You want art? Check out the galleries, museums and those people sitting under that tree, painting in central park. Music? Any kind, anywhere, dj's, jazz lounges, rock bars, indie underground hipster places that you need a password to get into, oh also the guy playing the keyboard with the creepy dancing dolls in grand central (i KNOW you know what im talking about). There is every store, every food, every ethnicity, every shop, every specialty, and you can always find that random brand that they only have in some small town in Italy or some place in bumfuck Kansas. Everything. I mean it. You come and see... if theres something you can't find, i'll give you 20 bills. (seriously the cable company is pissed i could use some help with that)

b. You can be you and nobody gives a shit. Granted there are some people that are really awesome at being them no matter where they are. But for those who sometimes hate the feeling of sticking out like a sore thumb, theres no such thing in new york. There are so many whackjobs that its actually weirder to be 'normal'. You can fit in just as easily on wall street as you can in the village. No.One.Cares. Do you. I saw a chick flouncing down the street in a pink puffy sleeved 80's style prom dress and chucks the other day like it was nothing. She's my hero.

c. Theres 8 million people here. Any career you choose to follow can be started in new york. Bartend. Make millions on the stock market. Sell bootleg videos to tourists. Act on Broadway. Work as an assistant slave for a fashion magazine. 8 million. Try that on.

2. Hilarity.

New York is the most entertaining place I've ever been. I'm not exaggerating, you can literally walk outside and sit down for 30 minutes and be utterly and totally entertained just by people watching. Some excellent examples

A black man wearing an indian feather headdress and normal street clothes doing insanely loud birdcalls while walking down the street in the financial district. Black guy in fedora and coral blazer singing tunes, dancing and throwing out inspiration quotes in the middle of a dive bar. Very old skinny frail woman who can barely walk pushing young hyper totally capable of walking terrier in a doggy stroller. That guy in the bird suit. Nuff said.

there are more but im hungover leave me alone.

3. Convenience

One word. Delivery.
ANYTHING, anytime. You can have it with minimal effort and perhaps an extra dollar. Now suburbia, dont get ahead of yourself, i'm not just talking about food. Although it is key at 4am to have other options besides Dominoes (oh shit! dominoes is closed, 24 hour McD's?). You can get anything from a pack of cigs to a gallon of milk or a 6 pack delivered anytime. This is especially clutch at times like this morning when you are way to hungover to get out of bed and really need gatorade like NOW. Tell me that isnt the most amazing thing ever.

4. Best knockoffs of life

Short of hopping on a plane to Thailand, I'm pretty sure NYC and a little place I like to call Canal Street has cornered the market on reproduced-for-super-cheap-and-definitely-illegal goods. All one must do is stroll down Canal and wait for the calls of 'you want bag? prada, gucci, chanel. we got it. you want wallet?'. You follow these sketchsters into a small back room where they sometimes make you deposit your purse outside the door (no hidden cameras in illegal goods trading) and just flip through a nifty black binder of fake designer goods galore. After choosing your perfect knockoff you wait on the street until a van pulls up where an asian man will jump out with a large black trash bag, sprint across the street and deposit it in your hands, then promptly turn and run away, disappearing into the crowd of annoying tourists. I'm not kidding or exaggerating. Its awesome.

5. Friends of Friends*

There are all types of people in New York and although its funnier to write about the looney bins, most are really amazing. My absolute favorite thing about the citaaay is that I have met more people in the 10 or so months i've been here then ever before (ok not ever but you get the picture). Its so easy to meet people from all walks of life everywhere you go, and people actually keep in touch. its nuts. I'm still getting used to people saying 'lets hang out sometime' and then actually wanting to hang out. In miami that was code for 'im drunk and ill forget your name tomorrow'. There's no substitute for good friends, and I was mildly nervous moving here only knowing a few people. I should have known better, New York is dope citay, as are its inhabitants. (Cept that whole misunderstanding with the Yankees. They really do suck)



True, the winter sometimes makes me want to move to Africa and save the children (well I want to save the children anyway but GUESS WHAT something else you can do in NYC) but all in all this might be my favorite place i've lived so far. I won't stay here forever, but I can damn well see why people do.





*copyright Mike Ivers 2008