Dreamboat

(editors note: actual dreamboat was greasier and skinnier and if you should ever meet this man don't boo at him I dont know who he is)

I met the man of my dreams the other night. The dreamiest of the dreamboats. This guy was tall, handsome, shaggy brown hair, good style, and the best part...an IQ of...eeeeh i'd give him a 2. Also you should know so you can read the dialogue out loud....he has an LA voice. You know the one, like the city decided instead of cultivating an LA "accent" that everyone would just pronounce their words to sound somewhere between those of a valley girl and a surfer. You know exactly what i'm talking about. (no offense friends from LA. But whatever you dont like my accent either)

My friend "Mun" (you know, short for money) from college was in town for a night, so after him and the boys went to see Dark Knight in IMAX we all met up at a local bar which so kindly provides 1$ drafts on Mondays, my kind of place. Now if you can imagine, a bar with 1$ drafts does not require the dress code of a lounge with say, 12$ drafts, and yet there is always those two girls... you know the ones. With the high heels and fancy tanks holding little bedazzeled clutchs and looking wildly out of place. These such girls came and asked me if they could 'rest their beers' on the other side of our table. Our table was long and I'm not completely without a heart so I said something along the lines of "yeah. go for it". So opened the wormhole or whatever you open that brings shiteous people to your table.

Enter dreamboat.

Dreamboat and his two awkward friends decide these chicks are their kind of women. Excessive pathetic flirting ensues. The guys decide that our table is now their table and proceed to spread out so it is literally impossible to not listen to them speaking. I wish i could draw you a diagram to show how impossible it was for us to ignore. It was like watching that Blind Date show without the bubbles telling you what an idiot the guy is. We didnt even need the bubbles. We could tell he was a winner from the start.

Awkward friend to girl: Do you want a beer?
Dreamboat: I got it. ::runs fingers through greasy hair:: This ones on daaaadddy.

Yeah. Come to find out the guys 28. Cool dude. Can i be like you? I guess not since he spotted my phone and goes
"oh hey is that the new 3g?"
"Nah its the old one"
"wow. catch up"

The Big Finale. Dun dun dun.
He turns to his two little sidekick friends who have barely spoken a word besides the ones used to back up their main meng and says

"Guys how much fun do I have when I come to New York?"
"Yeah totally, so much fun." the sidekicks were all about sucking up to mr. incredible
Then he turns to the girls and in his best swooner voice says
"You guys just made me like want to move here. Cause I met you."

this was followed by some talk about "you're in NY. Like. Making money. Living and making money." but i thought 'cause i met you' was too classic on its own.

Inevitably I puked in my mouth. The girls must have too because they jetted to the other side of the bar to harass some investment bankers.


BUT it was all a happy ending. The guy walked by me outside and said I looked 'very LA'.

THANK GOD. I'M IN!